The Inner Voice in the Depths of Despair

The Blueprint of Resilience

When you are deep in the trenches of reproductive care or navigating a profound loss, it is easy to find your thoughts entirely dominated by timelines, resource drains, and the dreams that were stripped away. The infertility and loss communities know grief very well. This process can leave you feeling entirely unmoored and lost. But if there is one thing we have learned over our seven-year battle to become a parent while grieving the sudden loss of my father, it is that your spirit holds an innate, unlimited energy you can rely on if you simply learn how to nurture it.

This article focuses on my conversation with Joel Walkoski for the fertilyfe podcast, Make It a Great Day spotlight. We originally met Joel through our years of work together at my strategic communications firm, Pursuit. Over the years, that professional relationship has developed into a deeply collaborative creative partnership and friendship, and today he is a published author of the book Honolulu Blues.

Joel is the embodiment of the Make It a Great Day philosophy. That is precisely why his story is a critical anchor for our community—because it is a story of deep grief and resilience. He successfully broke himself out of self-destructive cycles and has found joy and peace through intentional coping. 

While his strategies apply directly to sobriety, they certainly relate to what I have worked through to manage compound grief, IVF, and the surrogacy pivot. For those currently in the thick of it, his story is a powerful reminder that you can always find yourself even when you feel completely lost in this process. You can and you will get through this, no matter the outcome.

The Decision to Help Yourself

Making the decision to help yourself is a huge first step. "Day 1" is not just the beginning of a better life; it requires profound inner strength to make the decision to start anew. It's about making the decision to help yourself—in Joel’s case, sobriety, and for me and Matt, grief and also IVF perseverance.

Joel’s Day 1 of sobriety is as monumental as deciding to face infertility head-on - and become an IVF patient. That is a staggering decision ripe with the acute grief of a shattered vision of what making babies would naturally be like. It is a physical and psychological breaking point that requires a change in direction..

I freed myself from IVF loss by making the hard choice to do surrogacy. I used my Dad’s lessons to guide me and keep him with me even as I struggled with his absence. Still do. Whether you are fighting your way out through your darkest times to recover from a medical crisis or an addiction, the blueprint for survival is the same.

Tapping into Intuition as Context 

I find my intuition guiding me, too. Just like Joel. He shared how he always wanted to quit and be sober, but he didn’t have the context on a better way because of his family history. In comparison, I did. That's why Make it a Great Day—the answer to my prayer— opened my path to self-love and healing. It keeps my father with me as I embrace life now.

But Joel didn’t have that. Yet he still heard his inner voice, and it took a severe medical crisis for him to hear it very loud and clear and make a change. For me, it took the depths of despair and prayer —and I heard my dad’s voice before I finally found my own. Communication with yourself via self-talk is the foundation. Once you choose to implement your coping tools, you build the required sustenance to stay on the path and move forward with intention.

Conclusion: The Power of Your Choice

As you continue on your path, remember—your decision to be on this path is worth celebrating. Renew your commitment by coping in healthy ways so that you can feel the best you can and still keep going—do it for your future child, and do it for yourself.

Unexpected hardships can...permanently alter the biological and emotional maps you originally wrote, but they cannot take your soul. When you look within, follow your intuition, and intentionally operationalize your daily coping infrastructure, you step out of passive waiting and back into your own power. You hold the ultimate authority over how you navigate these unscripted challenges. Trust your internal voice, rely on your innate energy, and remember that simply choosing to stand on your own two feet and survive the day is a profound victory.

Thanks for reading FertiLyfe!