Be the CEO of YOUR Fertilyfe
It’s YOUR Lyfe…Navigating the Significant Life Event of IVF and Infertility
When I was told my prognosis was "futile" due to genetic issues and a severely diminished ovarian reserve, I felt the air leave the room. In the clinical world, "futile" is a data point. In the human world, it feels like a death sentence for a dream.
At that moment, I had two choices: I could be a passenger in my own tragedy, or I could become the CEO of my fertility treatment - a significant life event.
In any other part of our lives—our careers, our finances, our homes—we wouldn't dream of being passive. We research, we negotiate, we pivot, and we set limits. But when it comes to complex medical matters, it can be so confusing and emotionally draining that we just want the experts to figure it out.
To survive seven years of IVF, multiple losses, and the sudden passing of my father while chasing a miracle, I had to learn the hard way that no trauma would stand in my way. That I am the expert and the most powerful force in my own life’s path.
This self-empowerment was renewed by operationalizing two lessons from my Dad:
"If you want to be a parent, you will be a parent."
These lessons became our mantras. What’s more, we built a system around them to intentionally cope, make informed decisions, and take the back the lead.
Here is how you bridge the emotional complexity with the clinical process:
The Fertilyfe Fundamentals
Informed Decision Making
We cherish our mantras - they give us an overarching framework to strategically cope, make informed decisions, and identify evidence that gives us hope (evidence-based hope is what we call this).
If you want to be a parent, you will be a parent.
As simple as it sounds, we all know that in the world of trying to conceive, it takes time, money, and emotional bandwidth to survive, let alone secure the happy outcome that brought you into the process in the first place.
That’s why defining your success metrics early is key.
Is the goal a biological pregnancy at any cost, or is the goal parenthood?
That decision is personal - and yours to make. We are just here to pose the question.
If the goal is parenthood, options abound, no matter the pathway. The “if” gets replaced with “how”…and then, it’s a matter of “when”.
This shift reduces the existential dread of the process. It allows you to view a "failed" cycle not as an end but as a data point that informs your next strategic pivot.
If the answer is only biological, then you know that you go all-in on that path - and can have peace in trying.
Intentional Coping
Even with options, it can feel impossible to accept and activate a less-traveled path. The bittersweetness of options requires us to endure grief - and it shows up daily, especially as the uncertainty of new cycles persists.
When in this battle, I kept being reminded of another lesson from my Dad: "Make it a Great Day."
Not have a great day. Not enjoy the day. Not good luck today.
Make it. And make it great…or at least manageable, to begin.
When highly medicated and in a significant state of ongoing limbo —the wait for PGT-A results, the two-week wait, the wait for the next cycle - it can be easy to succumb to the stress of uncertainty and side effects. And this is why intentional coping becomes essential to the daily operations of functioning and even thriving in what seems like the in-between of your life.
The holding pattern is real - but it doesn’t need to take a full hold on YOU. The in-between, the waiting, the what ifs…it’s still the present. Your life is still happening…NOW. You’re you - you’re just dealing with extraordinary circumstances requiring a new level of inner strength you didn’t even know you had.
Intentional coping is the daily commitment to your own well-being. It is about enduring what you are going through by figuring out exactly what you need to feel better in any given moment. That need will shift depending on your level of grief, the intense side effects of your specific medications, or the changing realities of your treatment plan.
Intentional coping is proactive. It can be as small as making sure you drink enough water, as deep as creating a mantra to survive the afternoon, or as massive as taking a clinical break to reset your body and mind, even against the relentless urgency of your biological clock. It is how you take it moment by moment, build yourself a better day, and reclaim the life that this grief-ridden process is seemingly trying to rob from you.
Evidence-Based Hope: The Strategic Partnership with Your Doctor
No matter your situation, the embryos are precious, hard-won opportunities for new life. For me, it was a "one-for-one" situation —one egg, one embryo. I couldn't afford to be haphazard.
While grieving what you expected to navigate the complexities of IVF, you, as the patient CEO, must advocate for and thoroughly understand clinical information. To make this manageable, it becomes essential to approach your relationship with your doctor as a strategic partnership. This positions you to make informed decisions.
A CEO doesn't rely on blind hope; they cultivate evidence-based hope. This is the practice of recognizing the possibility of success while grounding your emotions in research-backed innovation and a strategic plan.
The No Stone Unturned Approach: We decided to be invasive and deliberate. We looked at the research, explored the immunology, and asked our doctors the uncomfortable questions.
The Stop-Loss Strategy: Matt and I agreed on a "three strikes" rule for transfers. Having a predetermined pivot point protected our mental health and our finances.
The Pivot: When the biological path reached its stop-loss, we didn't give up. We pivoted to surrogacy. That openness—the refusal to let a "futile" prognosis dictate my family tree—is what led us to our daughter, named after my father.
The Fertilyfe Mission
The "lyfe" in fertilyfe is highly intentional. It combines the word "life" with our “why” - you. The fertility process is often called a "journey," but we know it is much more than that. It is a major life event that will shape the rest of your days. We want to honor the gravity of what you are going through, while empowering you to live the fullest possible life while you do it. "Life" represents your life, your baby's life, and your decisions.
We built fertilyfe because the missing pieces in the industry weren't just better science. The true missing pieces are recognizing the interconnectivity of complex medical decisions with grief, and the need for intentional coping, informed decisions, and evidence-based hope.
You are not a patient waiting for a miracle. You are an Aspiring Parent making a series of high-stakes, courageous decisions. The path might change, but if you stay strategic, remain proactive, and "Make" the day, you will find your way through.
Let's get to work.